The Trump Wars

But What About All the Americans Trump Didn’t Tell to Go Back to Africa?

It could be so much worse.
July 16, 2019
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Donald Trump at CPAC. (Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images)

Dear fellow MAGA patriot:

Once again our Genius President Donald J. Trump is under attack for speaking the truth! Yesterday America’s Greatest Leader boldly told a handful of women of color in Congress to “go back and fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.”

Clearly Trump is a playing a game here that the lamestream media can’t even understand! It’s like Sudoku but without being given ANY OF THE NUMBERS.

The Dummycrats and Destroy Trump media are trying to say the president is being racist by telling people of color to go back to another country. But they are lying to you! They are painting him as racially insensitive because he used words like “Democrat” and “Congresswomen” and “who” and “originally” and “came” and “from” and “countries” and “whose” and “governments” and “are” and “a” and “complete” and “and” and “total” and “catastrophe.” I imagine many of us use some combination of those words daily!

Even if the media are right, these are just four people! America has tens of millions of people of color—just imagine all the African-Americans, Hispanics, and Muslims Trump has NOT told to leave the country. He’d have to be president for 400 years before he even got to the cast of Hamilton!

In fact, the evidence Trump is making huge progress with African-Americans is everywhere.

Just look at the visit he received from his good friend, the very emotionally stable Kanye West. During their whole press conference, not once did Trump tell Kanye to return to the land of his African ancestors. Nobody ever mentions THAT.

Sure, George W. Bush was pals with Condoleezza Rice – but Trump has black friends everywhere. No other president has made the time to be friends with both Diamond AND Silk!

In fact, I hear that Trump is planning on having Frederick Douglass to the White House soon, so he can get the recognition he deserves for traveling back in time and conquering the airports during the Civil War!

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If you’ve had enough, then just follow this simple playbook and you’ll DESTROY lie-berals who want to argue about Republicans and race: Stand up and yell “but we freed the slaves!” And then run out of the room.

Liberals may be entitled to their dumb opinions, but they aren’t entitled to their own facts. And that’s just a FACT. This proud legacy of our party is why an overwhelming one in ten African-Americans consider themselves Republicans today.

Don’t believe any of the hoaxes out there about Trump being a racist. They’re just FAKE NEWS. That time he suggested Federal Judge Gonzalo Curiel would rule against him because he was from a small village in Mexico known as “Indiana?” Just think of all the destitute migrants that would pour over the border and, like Curiel, steal federal judgeships from hard-working American lawyers!

And the time Trump took out ads in the New York Times urging the death penalty for a group of young, black men who were later found not guilty of a brutal rape in Central Park? Just look at how the media is always moving the goalposts: He didn’t tell those gang-bangers to go back to Africa—he just wanted them to be electrocuted!

Once again, Trump has shown his superior political skills by making liberals like “Cryin’ Paul Ryan” weep like infants. He should either deport Ryan to Ireland or force him to become ambassador to some shithole country that’s full of people with dark skin.

You know, the kind of country where, unlike a good old American white supremacist rally, there aren’t very fine people on both sides.

Christian Schneider

Christian Schneider is a reporter for The College Fix and author of 1916: The Blog.