I think we need to look on the bright side of the modest proposal to deport immigrants running meatpacking plants and picking vegetables and have local kids take the jobs. Yes, currently, there are not likely to be many children of privileged white folks willing to "get their hands dirty," so to speak, but they just need the proper incen…
I think we need to look on the bright side of the modest proposal to deport immigrants running meatpacking plants and picking vegetables and have local kids take the jobs. Yes, currently, there are not likely to be many children of privileged white folks willing to "get their hands dirty," so to speak, but they just need the proper incentives. First, NIL deals - "Biff Farquar III signs six figure NIL deal with Del Monte." "Madison Carrington, after harvesting a record number of watermelons last season, weighs NIL offers from Green Giant and Sysco." "Farquar said that he was thrilled with the opportunity, and was grateful that Del Monte cut him some slack for the time he had to take off last summer after he was bitten by a snake." "Madison is on the list to be one of Elon Musk's baby-mamas, but said "Sure, birthing Elon's spawn would be a dream come true, but I can still give back by breaking my back while I'm waiting for the phone to ring."
The kids will jump at it, just as HS and college athletes do now. Will it raise the price of food? Yes, significantly, but they're working on plans to sell tickets to some of the larger harvests to generate income - most of which will go back to the corporate behemoths paying them, some will show up in lower prices, and some of which will be used for perks, like sunhats (some with fun stickers!), and a double ration of water on days when the heat index in the fields is over 95F. (Provided the harvest is running ahead of schedule.) In lieu of Christmas bonuses, which would only raise the price of food, the best performers would be rewarded with Christmas afternoon off. (Provided the harvest is running ahead of schedule.)
The other alternative is even better! Work with the Harvards, Yales, Stanfords and other prestigious colleges to encourage them to give preference to candidates with at least two summers tilling fields or slaughtering livestock. (By "work with" I mean "threaten with extinction.") No more phoney-baloney "service" projects, like reading to old people or serving slop to homeless freeloaders on Thanksgiving. Let the kids do something productive for a change! As to recruitment, move over Goldman Sachs, the kids will be lined up to work for Swift. (Motto: "Our employees work the same hours as Goldman's, but we have much more blood, gore, and excrement!")
Many Congressional Republicans have young kids. Kids of high-achieving parents like JD and Usha Vance will jump at the chance to work in the real world, and be happy to provide an example of how work makes one free. A brave new world is in our grasp, if only we have the courage to take it.
I think we need to look on the bright side of the modest proposal to deport immigrants running meatpacking plants and picking vegetables and have local kids take the jobs. Yes, currently, there are not likely to be many children of privileged white folks willing to "get their hands dirty," so to speak, but they just need the proper incentives. First, NIL deals - "Biff Farquar III signs six figure NIL deal with Del Monte." "Madison Carrington, after harvesting a record number of watermelons last season, weighs NIL offers from Green Giant and Sysco." "Farquar said that he was thrilled with the opportunity, and was grateful that Del Monte cut him some slack for the time he had to take off last summer after he was bitten by a snake." "Madison is on the list to be one of Elon Musk's baby-mamas, but said "Sure, birthing Elon's spawn would be a dream come true, but I can still give back by breaking my back while I'm waiting for the phone to ring."
The kids will jump at it, just as HS and college athletes do now. Will it raise the price of food? Yes, significantly, but they're working on plans to sell tickets to some of the larger harvests to generate income - most of which will go back to the corporate behemoths paying them, some will show up in lower prices, and some of which will be used for perks, like sunhats (some with fun stickers!), and a double ration of water on days when the heat index in the fields is over 95F. (Provided the harvest is running ahead of schedule.) In lieu of Christmas bonuses, which would only raise the price of food, the best performers would be rewarded with Christmas afternoon off. (Provided the harvest is running ahead of schedule.)
The other alternative is even better! Work with the Harvards, Yales, Stanfords and other prestigious colleges to encourage them to give preference to candidates with at least two summers tilling fields or slaughtering livestock. (By "work with" I mean "threaten with extinction.") No more phoney-baloney "service" projects, like reading to old people or serving slop to homeless freeloaders on Thanksgiving. Let the kids do something productive for a change! As to recruitment, move over Goldman Sachs, the kids will be lined up to work for Swift. (Motto: "Our employees work the same hours as Goldman's, but we have much more blood, gore, and excrement!")
Many Congressional Republicans have young kids. Kids of high-achieving parents like JD and Usha Vance will jump at the chance to work in the real world, and be happy to provide an example of how work makes one free. A brave new world is in our grasp, if only we have the courage to take it.
Very funny.
For now.
Certainly much truth in your comment which was made with humor.