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A quick note on patriotism and what it really means to be patriotic:

Patriotism *is not* flag-hugging and thinking that your country is the greatest. That is what nationalism is. Patriotism is love for one's country, and is really easy to distinguish from nationalism because people who love their country will make sacrifices for it just as those who love their family members will make sacrifices for them. Nationalism is not patriotism and you can tell the difference because nationalists will hug flags but oppose making personal sacrifices for the country at every turn. This is why conservative culture tends to be the opposite of patriotic culture because it elevates the individual and what is good for the individual over what is good for the country. That is a culture defined by selfishness and individualism rather than common cause with their fellow countrymen and progress for the country.

So Bill, don't feel unpatriotic for opposing nationalists who hug flags behind a culture of individualism that refuses to make sacrifices for the country. In fact, feel patriotic about that. When the nationalists who celebrate individualism are in charge, it is patriotic to root for their failures.

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"I love my country too much to be a nationalist." - Albert Camus

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Love this: conservative culture [is] defined by selfishness and individualism rather than common cause with their fellow countrymen.

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Excellent!! I thought the famous flag hug was a Golem gesture saying, “Mine, mine mine, My Flag, My Country - Only Mine.” You put it much better.

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I like yours!

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I never used to think of myself as patriotic, perhaps because I despised the behavior of so many who do identify as such. ESPECIALLY the flag-hugging and the standing teary-eyed with hand over heart at the anthem. All mindless stuff. But I too feel enormous grief and sadness at what is happening to the country, and like you said, Travis, a person would not feel that way if he or she did not care.

For a few years now, I have participated in an American history reading group at my small public library in a small town in upstate NY. We have encountered many villains and much ugly behavior in our reading BUT ALSO many real heroes and much honorable and self-sacrificing behavior. That too has helped clarify my feelings about my country. All Americans need to learn their history as well as basic civics. I was very fortunate to have had an outstanding course in American government in 9th grade at a very good public school, and for some weird reason, I found it super interesting, and came away with knowledge that I have relied on my entire adult life. It has definitely helped me be a better, and more engaged citizen. Now, as I said, I am trying to remedy the gaps in my knowledge of US history.

BTW, some of the biggest litterers in my rural part of NY are the Trump supporters with their "I stand for the flag and kneel for the cross" stickers, flags, etc. I am constantly picking up their discarded beverage containers, Burger King packaging, etc. along my road. Not disparaging Christianity or Christ (I'm Catholic), just shallow, hypocritical Christians, or CINO's as some one else wrote.

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I’m learning a possible sign of the depths of my patriotism: I am grieving a death. My life hasn’t changed, and yet my grief is almost crippling. It’s a completely novel experience. I couldn’t grieve this hard for something I don’t love.

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It's very much like grieving a death. My brother died several years ago (he was 31) and the shock reverberates endlessly. And life feels "normal" most of the time, until something happens -- you see something, smell something, a memory is triggered -- and you're unexpectedly thrust into the reality that there's a hole in your life.

Unlike with my brother, this latest loss is everywhere and in everything. I vacillate between rage & righteous indignation to crushing defeat. I exist large parts of the day in an emotionally-numb zombie state. There's nowhere I can go and not be reminded of what's gone. It permeates my existence. And the grief I feel has made it that much harder to close the growing chasm that separates me from family and friends that don't feel it. They don't understand my pain. If anything, they're resentful of it. After all, America is being made great again!

I haven't given up and I'll never give in, but it does feel like the light is getting dimmer by the day. Other than my wife, The Bulwark is the freest, safest place I know. I don't know what I'd do without it.

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What you wrote so eloquently is very familiar to me, Walternate. Let me say, I really think we will find a new equilibrium with time. But meanwhile it is very physical. I feel very “hollow”. As a former RN, I’m being alert to the fact that these are signs of depression; my question to myself (and by extension to you) is whether it’s normal “situational” depression or something more serious requiring intervention.

There’s a layer of guilt on top, because I’m in enviable circumstances compared to most; I have excellent health and I’m financially secure (so far).

Sometimes I try to imagine I’m one of those people happy about Trump! It’s a brief exercise.

Time will tell. For now, as I wrote below, I’m trying to do the things I know will help, or at least not hurt, the situation. Eating right (a challenge with zero appetite) getting outdoor exercise (just the exposure to daylight has physical benefits), deep breathing, music.

Like you, I find solace in this online community. I know I need more face time with others, and attending the President’s Day protest helped me a lot in that regard because it was a “pre-screened” group.

For now, keep writing. You have a way with words. We all need each other’s honesty. We are not alone.

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I've had two significant deaths in my life, so I know about that hole you speak of. The hole never goes away completely, but you keep on living your life, because life is for the living. I'm glad you haven't given up and you'll never give in.

As to the dimming light, I'm keeping my eye on the rulings of the courts and whether the Trumpers comply. The ultimate ruling is the Supreme Court's. David French said on Tim's podcast a while ago that he expects a ruling that will keep the light on or snuff it out completely by the end of this year. Check out the last minutes of that pod on "shortening the darkness." Start at 1:OO:O6: https://www.thebulwark.com/p/david-french-vengeance-and-rage.

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I know that feeling well. It sucks.

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I’m trying to follow advice I would give to a grieving friend. Eat nutritious foods. Get outside. Exercise. Listen to soothing music. Spend time with other people.

Easier said than done. I have no appetite. I’m starting to dislike my soothing music, by association.

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I was unexpectedly invited to the local symphony over the weekend. I was stunned by the impact of watching a large orchestra play together, as well as the beautiful, moving result. I think the endorphins blocked out the world for at least 24 hours. Recommended--especially when you don't know anything about what they are playing and have no expectation.

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That’s a lovely image, Leslie. A symphony requires perfect cooperation to create a magnificent sum out of disparate parts. I wish we could emulate that. I remember it so clearly, after 9/11, not so long ago.

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Feb 18
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Doug, your writing gave me a needed moment of levity, even though you might not have intended it that way. It creates a conundrum in me because I feel the same, even as I feel paradoxically lonely, knowing how many people out there aren’t “friend material”.

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Thanks, JF. My post to you was meant to have a wry humor, which means I meant what I said, although I wish I didn't.

Your original post was about grief, and that is exactly what I have been going through recently, especially this morning. Yesterday's news (Trump accusing Ukraine of starting the war, Ukraine having no representation at the Saudi conference which was a total betrayal of Ukraine; the illegal interference by Musk and his tech-goons into our government agencies and potentially destroying our social safety net programs; the attack on our science and health agencies; etc.) has put me even deeper into the grief spiral.

I live in a predominantly pro-Trump neighborhood in a red county in Florida, and most of the people I meet on a day-to-day basis are MAGAphiles. So, while our conversations are cordial, I feel completely restrained in what I can say, or I risk creating conflicts with my neighbors that I'm not ready to sustain at the expense of destroying whatever harmony remains.

I thought of calling my older brother, but since he voted for Trump and still trusts Trump, I can't talk to him about my complete frustrations and fears for the future of our country.

As Tim and JVL said on a podcast last night, we have become the baddies. Worse than we ever have been before.

I could go on, JF, but all this is just to say your reply was much appreciated. I knew right away that I could sit and "unload" a bit and you would understand.

Music is indeed one of the constant joys in my life (I am mostly a classical music fan, play classical music on the piano, but enjoy it all), and the post by Leslie describing her joy at the symphony and its lasting beneficial effects (at least for 24 hours), and your ready, empathetic response to her, truly made a depressing morning brightened with a few rays of hope.

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I forgot to respond to your mention of music. I’m fairly eclectic in my tastes. In fact, since one grandson is very into Kendrick Lamar, I’ve been studying Lamar’s Superbowl half time show, by re-watching and reading online analyses. Since he has already won a Pulitzer, I shouldn’t be surprised at the layers of meaning below the surface within that performance. He truly is a visionary, and even though I don’t seek out his music, I’m enjoying learning that there’s a lot of politically subversive messaging going on. As Trump has taken over the Kennedy Center, it’s obvious once again that the arts can be a political weapon, both ways. And also just a simple pleasure and comfort.

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Wonderful that your grandson can provide you guidance into the work of Kendrick Lamar!

About other great musicians taking a political stand:

I'm reminded of Beethoven crossing out his dedication to Napoleon on Symphony #3 when Napoleon declared himself emperor.

On the downside, did you hear that Trump also closed down the Kennedy Library? Not the Nixon Library, or the Reagan Library. I'm not sure whether that executive order has been reversed or not, but just the fact that it was issued in the first place is one more affront to history, education, and the arts.

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Thanks, Doug, for letting me know I didn’t completely miss the mark by finding humor (bleak humor) in your written words. I feel for you, being surrounded by MAGAs. I live in Oregon, and they’re fewer in number here, although I had some fears of getting run down by a pickup truck when I attended our local President’s Day protest. I actually sent my adult children a reminder where my will is located. But the event was very strongly positive. I’d find it very difficult to have close family members who voted for Trump as you do, and feel fortunate not to deal with that burden. So many others here share that with you, apparently.

The attacks on science and health are so self-destructive and will be crippling for a long time. It’s been noted many times that destroying is easy; rebuilding is hard and time consuming. And the “official” lying is so egregious! I think the MAGA mindset of being “willing to die for Trump” will delay a correction even after the pain becomes obvious and personal.

As I told my children, we have the advantage of intelligence and education to hopefully give us survival tools. The uncertainty over the future is gnawing. My son is suffering huge self-recrimination for having brought life into this world, with a four year old and two year old to worry about. This really was the fabled make-or-break election. I struggle to find words of solace for him, without insulting his intelligence. I recently suggested he use a mindset of how he would parent a child with a terminal illness; he would give them the best life possible for whatever time they have left. What parent’s heart can survive that? He suffers for them, and I’m suffering for him.

Maybe ignorance is a better survival tool than intelligence?

I wish I had facile words for healing and hope. But that would just be more dishonesty. At least here we can share truth. For now. And the knowledge that we are not alone; that is surprisingly (and maybe illogically) comforting.

Let’s do our best with self-care. There’s no down side to that, and maybe even a future light. As you wrote; a few rays of hope. Be well, Doug, and thanks for your thoughts.

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And thank you so much for your thoughtful words -- they touched me deeply.

And you have read me perfectly. I am indeed as depressed as I have been since the deaths of my parents two decades ago. I know... I should be happy I've been able to go that long without such a serious depression.

I understand completely how concerned your son is about the future for his children. Perhaps we can take some solace in the thought that enough people will begin to feel that same concern about their children and realize that, as our "child," this country is suffering from a deadly illness that requires all of us to work together to nurture it back to health. The Senators and Representatives must be the first and strongest to do so.

Thank you for your participation in the President's Day protest. I'm waiting for one close enough for me to join as well. Like you, I've told my sister where she can find all the necessary legal documents. She's happily agreed to adopt my pup as well, if necessary.

These are clearly depressing times. Unimagined even by those of us who knew this next Trump administration was going to be hell.

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I have spent the last couple of decades being really pissed off by the "patriotism" displayed by a substantive portion of the Right. It has spiraled downward over time.

I have always considered myself a patriot. I served out of a combination of patriotism and self-interest (there is almost ALWAYS some of that involved). I was and am proud of my service. I live in what is potentially the best country in the world (I say potentially because we often do not live up to what we preach). Even though we don't live up to things, by and large we have done a lot better than a lot of other countries, even if some of it arises only out of enlightened self-interest and a sense of (by some leadership) noblisse oblige.

I despise to the depths of my being the flag-huggers and lapel-pin wearers, the pickup trucks with the yuge Amerian flags (that coincidently have a sign saying F the President of the US). Far too much virtue signaling of things that are not even virtues, because there is no us, no community, no intention of sacrifice or service. Because our culture is actually about almost ANYTHING other than sacrificing for others... and Trump is actually kind of the epitome of American culture--which is one of the things that led to his election and re-election.

When ever one of these people gets in my face about my patiotism, the first question I ask them is, where and when did YOU serve. That tends to shut them up.

People do not display or act on virtue if they have not been taught what virtue is. Virtue is a learned and habituated thing, not a natural thing. If virtue was natural we would not need commandments or laws.

CINOs (Christians in Name Only) piss me off too. The level of hyprocrisy there is worthy of being used as a modern-day exemplar in one of Christ's teachings... and this is coming from an atheist--admittedly, one well-versed in religion and scripture (which is why I am an atheist).

Because I am a teacher, I have great forbearance for ignorance and lack of education--in children. This can be potentially remedied. I do not have much forbearance for adults. They should know better.

In no RATIONAL universe, could someone like Donald Trump (or any of a number of similar people) get elected, which stands as proof positive that we do not live in a rational universe--at least that part of the universe built on human behavior.

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"People do not display or act on virtue if they have not been taught what virtue is. Virtue is a learned and habituated thing, not a natural thing. If virtue was natural we would not need commandments or laws."

And it's something that, if not practiced and nurtured, will atrophy and die. I think this is what contributes to the decadence that precedes the collapse of some civilizations. Life becomes so "good" that they're freed from the obligations of keeping society healthy. It seems like everything's working fine, but like termites eating away at a house's frame, the absence of practicing civic virtue leaves a hollowed skeleton of what looks like a functioning society. Eventually, the house will succumb.

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Thanks, Travis. I needed this today.

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Brilliantly said, Travis.

Yesterday, in honor of Presidents' Day, I read excerpts from an article about George Washington to my nine-year-old. Poor Washington, he must be spinning in his grave these days.

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I clocked him. He's at about 3600 RPM right now and gaining speed. Lincoln, as one of the founders of the Republican Party, is just over 5000 RPM as I write this.

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Amen Travis, well said!

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I do not feel patriotic and wish I were not American. The people who voted for TrumpMusk don’t love other people. They make up most of the country. I don’t to be associated with them. I would rather be Dutch, Scandinavian, or Canadian. I want a divorce from this country.

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Then do so.

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Daughters and a grandchild prevent me from doing so. I am trying to convince them to leave. They are in careers that are in demand.

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So, you have made a choice. Enjoy your life, your daughter, your grandchildren. If, however, you choose to let him interfere with that enjoyment, that is on you.

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That is the mindset I am trying to cultivate, Dave. It requires a fair amount of mental gymnastics. I read one commenter who wrote basically that they weren’t going to let Trump “steal” any more of their life. That’s a helpful paradigm for me.

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They don't make up most of the country. They won by a slim margin but still under 50% of the vote. If you combine the votes for Harris and the 3rd party votes, they are clearly in the minority. It's just that they have the loudest mouths.

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Not so sure. The rest of the country tolerates them.

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If by tolerate you mean not doing anything to oppose them, then I agree.

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Don’t forget the 76 million who didn’t vote, but were registered. Essentially, Trump won a little more than a third of the electorate; not a majority , and certainly not a mandate to completely reshape our government; ending democracy as we know it.

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Does the fact that he only won a third of the electorate matter? They won, they make the rules. Perhaps one day the Democrats will realize that if you don't win, you don't govern.

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Really? You call burning down the house governing? Perhaps you need to define the term governing, so at least we have a baseline to debate!

There is a difference between governing and firing the entire government, so one can control the purse strings, while a complicit and compliant Congress, forsakes from its actual obligations, duties and oath of office; allowing the president to take a sledgehammer to our Constitution.

If this is governing, then you seriously need to find a good therapist. Americans voted for Trump to tackle inflation, not to threaten every ally we have with crippling tariffs, based on the imagination and machinations of a deranged lunatic! Or threaten to invade Canada, Greenland and Mexico. I don’t recall Trump running on those platforms!

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Agree about what is and isn't governing. As to what his slim majority voted for, I think they voted for him because he's "strong." I think in their view threatening is strength.

I also think you have to be a weak person who doesn't have a clue about what a liberal democracy is to think Trump is strong.

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I have the uncomfortable feeling that a lot of Trump voters were motivated by the opportunity of hurting others. “Liberal tears” and all that. Yeah; to portray Trump as strong is a real mind bender and adds to my unease about my fellow Americans.

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Yes certainly. I don't know enough about the swing voters who gave him his win. They're not MAGA. That's why they're swing voters. And the Dems who didn't turn out. They're not MAGA either. How much do those two groups who gave him the vote represent? I haven't seen anything to back this up, but 1O% keeps running through my head. That 1O% is not MAGA. If the Dems could play this right, they could be persuaded to swing again.

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To paraphrase a famous movie line, “are you not entertained?”. Unfortunately, for a large swath of our fellow citizens, they wont recognize the damage this ‘entertainment’ has wrought until they’ve been whacked repeatedly. It’s an oversimplification to say they relish the pain inflicted on those they resent. But that doesn’t make it a false observation. It may be a while before they realize the ‘hotfoot’ they find so amusing has actually burned off three of their own toes.

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Agreed! Never more prescient words..:)

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The word govern is a verb. He who wins is allowed to act. He who loses is left to whine about the consequences of those actions. The truth is that none of this would be happening if we won.

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I’m sorry, we aren’t discussing grammar; yes, it’s an act, but the word “govern” describes the acts of the governor: conduct the policy, actions, and affairs of (a state, organization, or people).

We live in a democracy, where one who governs, still has to do so by a defined set of rules, which we call laws, and under the authority of the Constitution, and supervision of the Justice System.

Furthermore, one who governs outside the rules of law, is called a criminal or usurper, or in this case, the president, who is governing illegally, and in violation of the law of the land: THE CONSTITUTION! Otherwise, Nixon wouldn’t have resigned or needed a pardon. And the constitution is pretty unambiguous when it granted Congress the power of the purse; not the anointed one.

Moreover, just because the SC is filled with corrupt, theocratic fascists, who believe the Constitution gives immunity to presidents, and that their Christian religion is enshrined in the constitution, or America having a Christian god as our deity; doesn’t make it so!

Bottom line: History has a way of correcting injustices, and dealing with corrupt monarchs, dictators and usurpers.

And when I refer to Trump as a usurper, it’s not because he seized power illegally, it’s because he’s usurping his power and position as president; such as usurping the powers of Congress (Article 1: Congress shall have the power of the purse…..).

Therefore, in the end, America will be no different, and justice will be served!

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Agree with all of this except your last sentence. Justice will be served only if the Supreme Court rules against his usurpation and he complies with their ruling. I'm not sure either of those will happen.

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Fair enough, one can dream though!

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"We live in a democracy, where one who governs, still has to do so by a defined set of rules, which we call laws, and under the authority of the Constitution, and supervision of the Justice System." Evidently not. And how long do we have to wait until "history" corrects these injustices? How much damage will occur until your bottom line is actualized? Again, if we win, none of this is happening.

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Well said Travis: Mic Drop!

And agreed, there is a difference between standing resolutely with your country; which means accepting the freedoms of others; whom you may disagree with. It’s definitely not believing your patriotism is conditional on whether our country serves your own GOD or interests, above others, as some seem to continually confuse for patriotism.

To me, that’s fascism, and those who follow fascism, wouldn’t know patriotism if it were staring them in the face: In Big BOLD letters!..:)

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And the most unabashed & disgusting “flag hugger” of all is now ensconced in the White House. The majority of voters, quite sadly, don’t seem capable of understanding the distinction you so clearly make.

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Flag humper

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Trump’s “flag hugging” was/is obscene.

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Of all the pics of him I hate (which is pretty much all of them) the one where he is hugging the flag is the worst.

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It's a not-so-subtle way he acts out his narcissism: His birthday is "Flag Day."

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